Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Schaible Wedding/Honeymoon - A Six-Part Narrative (Part One)

Okay… I am back. After taking a fair bit of time to digest (both figuratively and literally) I believe I am now ready to blog about my first wedding (I kid, of course).

There’s a lot to discuss. So I’ll start at the beginning: all the Pre-Wedding sh-tuff.

Friday, July 24th
First thing on the official agenda was the rehearsal. Everyone met up at the venue (Newport, RI’s Easton Beach) at 1:00pm. By “everyone,” I mean: my guys (best man Steve, second-best man Zach, “Duke” LaDuke – the high school best friend and Emily’s brother, Mike), her ladies (maid-of-honor Katie, college roomie Meg and cousin Sarah), the parents and our eccentric, gap-toothed pastor.

It was a bit chaotic and very rushed. There was barely enough time for Steve to injure a bridesmaid. We were dismissed with no greater understanding of how exactly this was going to work but whatever, there were more important things to do: the ladies had to get their nails done.

That evening was our rehearsal dinner which I will say was a resounding success. We invited all of our out-of-town guests. The food was good and drinks were plentiful. A special shout out to my parents – Mr. and Mrs. Schaible of Rotterdam, NY – who picked up the check. We couldn’t have done it without you.

Anyways, it was a great time. Over-stimulated, I excitedly bounced from group to group (largely ignoring the wife-to-be) loudly reminiscing and introducing folks. There were many highlights: LaDuke showing off his new lip tattoo, a surprise “groom’s cake,” visitors from as far away as Georgia and Hawaii, a late arrival by the enigmatic Mike Grimala, and Zach quietly brooding over a plate of humus.

It was a great night… too great maybe. I lost my voice (more on that later). Emily and I parted ways and I spent my last night as a bachelor in the honeymoon suite with Grimey. I slept soundly.

Saturday, July 25th
The day had arrived at last. Exactly 14 months after I popped the question, it was time to seal the deal, tie the knot, take the plunge, grab the bull by the horns …

But first, we golfed. As my groomsman gift, I treated the dudes – the four previously mentioned groomsman, my father and Grimey (who was filling the role of Emily’s father who went on the DL with a knee) – to a round of golf.

There was a hiccup. We arrived at the golf course, I walked in and said, “seven rounds please.”

“Not today you ain’t.”

The golf course, which I had spoken to three times over the previous month, said they had a tournament today and there were no open tee times. After a little swearing, a little pouting and on patented “Schaible-face,” we found another course nearby. Crisis averted.

It was an adventure. My father was probably the only one of us that belonged on a golf course – with all due respect to Grimey, who looked like a golfer in his borrowed robes, and the Mohonasen HS golf team, which thought enough of me to add its ranks as a senior. It was pretty ugly.

My foursome lost interest in keeping score about halfway through (shortly I knocked down a 20-foot put for the day’s only birdie). Between the seven of us, I think we lost 20 or so balls. We also dropped a significant amount of water weight (it was hot).

Zach and Steve finished up last. Their epic confrontation decided by just one stroke. Zach was relieved but we wrapped up knowing we were all losers.

I went back to the hotel and prepped… it takes all of 20 minutes to shower, shave and dress. So the waiting game begun. The guys were exiled to my parents’ room so the ladies could have more space. We sat around for more than an hour and I could feel all the “why exactly did we have to get here so early?” tension.

On our way over to the venue, Steve was almost doused in bird shit. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he didn’t but had he, it would have made a classic Steve story.

And with that, I leave you now. To be continued…

1 comment:

  1. If I had been hit with bird shit, I would have shown up at the wedding in the tux Joe Pesci had to wear in My Cousin Vinny after his original got thrown in the mud.